friday i was really, unbelievably, superbly terrible to someone i care about kindof a shit ton.
saturday i apologized, and spent the whole day furious at myself
sunday i spent the whole day furious at myself, and decided to cut that out in the evening. cried on the new roommates shoulder. switched moods to “terrified he’s going to break up with me”. had a date. felt good to let myself be happy for some hours.
today i spent much of the day terrified he was going to break up with me, but he isn’t. we’re making dinner tomorrow. it’s not a break up date. it’s a real one. i have never felt so relieved. i really can’t wait to hug him.
#weird inbetween place of not being in love with someone *yet*. my heart felt all shit-shit-shit-i’m-gonna-break. i’m really, really glad my heart isn’t getting broken this week.
and, i’m gonna not be an asshole to this really great person again. and maybe extrapolate that to not being a asshole to people i’m scared are too good for me generally. because actually i am (at least) better than this. and what a nightmare. and now its bedtime.
thank god i’m going home.
